Happy New Year!

The Official Soundtrack of Kiki's New Year's Eve

RESOLUTION

AS GOD AS MY WITNESS
I WILL BE (mildly) INTERNET FAMOUS BY THIS TIME NEXT YEAR.

• 100+ FOLLOWERS ON TUMBLR
• WEIRDOS STALKING ME IRL
• HAVING NOTHING TO SAY TO MY FRIENDS B/C THEY ALREADY READ IT ON MY BLOG

I plan to achieve this by updating both blogs every single day. So prepare yourself. There will be more hentai, more steve mcqueen, more fashion, more kiki everyday.

Happy Birthday to Me!

SO MUCH COFFEE I HAVE DRANK. I FEEL LIKE MY WHOLE LIFE IS IN ALL CAPS RIGHT NOW.


PS. ITS MY MOTHER FUCKING BIRTHDAY SLUMBER PARTY TOMORROW!

Boring Things

I'm feeling restless but I have nothing say.

I'm going to make a list of boring things which you can click through to read if you want to read boring things. If you don't want to then look at this picture of my sister!

Neko Bean!

Effigies

I asked "please do not burn me in effigy." Actually, that is incorrect; I said "promise me that you will not burn me in effigy."

What I should have asked is "promise not to create an effigy of me." At the time I thought to myself, to be symbolically destroyed would be terrible but I am learning that it is not as terrible as being created.

knee high socks and comic books

Gareth at Legends straight up gave me Watching the Watchmen hardcover coffee table book, which resulted in Sunday Afternoon Reading Hour at The Love Shack. Wally wasn't as interested in reading it as I was, but he was into wandering around and meowing loudly at me.

when not over-analyzing

I may have implied that I am not happy in my last post. That is just not true! I was about to write about it, but then I was stalking Kim's blog and I saw this video which sums my life up nicely:

Who Loves The Sun?

It is not sad that the idea of me is lovable and I am not. What is sad is that i cannot become the idea. I cannot shuffle off my imperfect flesh (so like a great, sweating rat), my neat collection of flaws, the monotony of days, the way anyone is indefinably annoying when you live with them. I cannot transcend these things and become an idea.

If I could, if I were just a fantasy, then I would never get lonely or hungry or sick. I would never be unappealing or ordinary or invisible like furniture that you see everyday but never notice. As a collection of memories that are less about what actually happened and more about how you think you felt - I could be really enchanting.

If I were only these songs that remind you of me and misremembered images and inside jokes and the way seeing hello kitty feels now, if I was just all of these things strung together maybe I could be happy. If I could be just an idea and not a person who has to go on waking up as an imitation of an imagined self maybe I could be really happy. 

Because being desirable and lovable and fuckable is what is most important in life, isn't it?

Hung Over On A Thursday

Last night I went to Irish Times after work with Matt and then to Zambris with Melissa. Then the two of us ladies went to Touch for some dancing all night long, except I felt sick at about one and went home early. I guess I over did it but it was an amazing night. Our tour of the cocktail menu was a real thrill. Melissa is not afraid to be indulgent and decadent like me and we talked about boys and ate dessert first. Sean was also killing it in the top room at Touch; he played Wu Tang Clan and Salt-n-Pepa. Melissa was a fierce dancer and looked crazygonuts sexy in her mesh jumpsuit.

Now I am having a bed-in, reading everyones blogs and agreeing with Mandy that it would be nice to have more company than just Wally (my cat), only because Wally can't make me breakfast.

PS. Coke Talk nailed it in this one, what it means to be alone versus be lonley is what I've been thinking about more than anything else.

Od' und leer das Meer

After giving it some thought, I have come to the conclusion that I live alone. This may seem obvious given that I am single and not seeing anyone and I reside in a bachelor apartment. However, I have been feeling sad and nostalgic and feeling like I miss certain people.

I have given much thought to the difference between being alone and being lonely. Of the two, I am alone. I would even go so far as to say that it is not that I am alone but that I live alone.

1:30

I still intend to write about the rest of my halloweekend and post more pictures. But I wanted to talk with you about living alone.

It's a little funny that I have come to this conclusion again all these years later. Little Kiki was so moved by Heart of Darkness, by this passage in particular, and now I am almost afraid to admit it because it seems that people are forced to read these things in an academic setting and then find them distasteful because of it. It's a shame because Heart of Darkness, Catcher in the Rye, Brave New World, are such excellent books and it seems the more people who read them the less fashionable it is to actually like them.

In anycase, the passage which moved me at first reading and is strangely relevant again now that I have contemplated living alone more deeply:

He was just a word for me. I did not see the man in the name any more than you do. Do you see him? Do you see the story? Do you see anything? It seems to me I am trying to tell you a dream -- making a vain attempt, because no relation of a dream can convey the dream-sensation, that commingling of absurdity, surprise, and bewilderment in a tremor of struggling revolt, that notion of being captured by the incredible which is of the very essence of dreams. . . ."

   He was silent for a while.

   ". . . No, it is impossible; it is impossible to convey the life-sensation of any given epoch of one's existence -- that which makes its truth, its meaning -- its subtle and penetrating essence. It is impossible. We live, as we dream -- alone. . . ."

Although, I have only spent 4 evenings in a row alone in my apartment. Maybe these feelings change after a long, long time of living alone. I will not find out because I am glad to tell you that I am becoming a cat foster parent. Wally the cat is coming to live with me tomorrow and I am very looking forward to it.

Artists Rendering of Kiki in Oz, where Wally is a stuffed animal and Nathan is a magician.

Halloweekend: Day One Jackie O in Yaletown and a French Maid at the Waldorf

 

I am back now from my halloweekend of insanity. I am contemplating the difference between being alone and being lonely. I am recuperating by being self indulgent, staying cooped up in my apartment with take out and 9.8 percent coconut yogurt and hardly saying any thing to anyone and watching tv and trying to comfort myself in any small way that I can.

So these are photos I took using my terrible iphone camera, when I missed the ferry. I did the whole trip over to Vancouver dressed as Jackie O - the ferry, the bus, the skytrain, the bus again, all of it. Michelle met me downtown and we went back to her place in East Van so I could drop my bags off and freshen up. We took a cab to a party at her boyfriend's work in Yaletown.

Lucas is a videogame developer and it was a lovely party. As much free food and drink as a girl could handle and everyone had such creative and accurate costumes. There was a princess of power, ramona flowers, hunter s thompson and dwight shrute. I was very impressed. A couple of people thought Michelle and I were from Mad Men. I love the show as much as the next hipster but to think that anything from the 60s is just going to be indiscriminately attributed to mad men is a shame. Kids today. More after the jump...

Actually Just A Pretty Face

Everybody's Breakin' Up Somebody Else's Home

Alright team, fair warning, some of these songs are really silly. I think one must have a sense of humour about these things. (illicit affairs). As I have said before, I want to each day to feel amused. That light hearted feeling that at once acknowledges the absurdity of life and celebrates it with a relaxed smirk. It is hard to feel amused when anxiety is once again tightening its grip on me. I awake each morning, not with an exquisite joy but with shortness of breath, a painful headache and a tightness in my jaw from grinding my teeth. My thoughts are in all the most dangerous places. A full on panic attack and a crisis of willpower. I suppose that everyone feels stressed by their bills, their job, their exes.

Which is precisely why I attempt to focus on planning my upcoming holiday and on developing my crushes on the most unavailable young men I can find. Applicants must be:

• Tall
• Well Dressed
• Well Read
• Well Spoken
• In a Monogamous Relationship - or - In a Different Country (or both)

The above playlist is the soundtrack for Operation Unlawful. Special thanks to The 5 Star General and The Double Agent who sent me many of these songs.

तत् त्वम् असि

I wrote about 600 words tonight about the unknown and asking you, my friends who read this, to afford me all these little words despite how they must bore you, because this is how I have chosen to communicate: writing to him under through writing to you. In these writings, I asked you to take another little piece of my heart, knowing full well who i intend those pieces for. I even addressed him as directly as I could.

I started writing listening to this song, and now, over an hour later, I will finish writing and publish almost nothing of what I wrote because I think now I understand a little better what this song was trying to tell me. At first it caught my attention and I thought it was magic. Now, I hear them singing, "It doesn't matter what I do." and I understand that it is not magic at all.

I am strangely at peace with this, now, at 2:13 am. 

I have saved all my little words for myself. Later I will read them and I will feel again a fraction of this passion that drives me to flagellate myself by reading and re-reading his little words every day, several times a day. Again, I wonder what will hurt more, reading my name in his journal or not reading it? Not reading it because I have ceased to read or because he has ceased to write? What hurts more the known or the unknown? Why do I prefer the feeling of not-hurting when surely great and terrible heartbreak is as desirable a feeling as any other?

Halloween Costume Ideas 2010

I've pretty much spent the last hour agonizing over what I'm going to be for halloweens (friday, saturday and sunday nights) this year. Luckily most of these costumes I can put together pretty easily. I will go shopping tomorrow and see what I can get together...

One of Each for Vero

More Rick Owens

I think style.com said they were made of bone, and some of them look it. I can't imagine them making a hundreds of them out of bone and putting them up for sale - so maybe in the end they will make them out of wood or plastic. I wonder how difficult it would be to make one...

More Photos of Me

More Photos of Steve McQueen

More Kiki (So cute! Thanks Vero!)

More music is upcoming and more of my writing is in the previous post. Thanks for your love Vero! PS. this last caturday was the best yet. Thanks for pm making my week. xoxooxoxoxo

but he, he wasn't you

Like a dream, everything is distorted but logical.

In the dream I found myself upon the stone steps of a square, on some distant campus. I was talking to a young man and I felt very upset. My eyes were watering. My hands were gesturing, my arms were beating the air like wings. I was trying to push my feelings out of my fingertips into the space between us.
The scene changes. We were in a small classroom where a band is practicing. I fainted, falling into the foot of ocean water cresting across the floor. The tide is coming into the classroom. I let the foam wash over my naked chest. I vomit. I cough and spit and vomit again. The bile mixes with the white wash and it swirls over me.

In the way that dreams do, these surreal events make perfect sense. I feel instinctively confident that these happenings are right.

I am here. You are there. This is also right.

Then there was a moment when I read where you misspelled my name and I understood fully that my being here and you being there means we are apart. I also understood that this is as right as my lying down in a pool of ocean water and vomit in a small classroom while a band is practicing.

I DARE YOU TO SAY THAT AGAIN

Sailor Kiki

Halloween Costume Ideas 2010

I was browsing the Urban Outfitter's halloween costume contest on their facebook and I saw this:

I'm impressed.

maybe if I just...

Nope,
STILL HEARTBROKEN.

Unknowns

There are many unknowns this morning and they seem to be multiplying. It is unknown what I might have said if I had been asked when I was still in it. Yes, when I was deep in it, I had different opinions. It is unknown what might have happened if I had said yes. It is unknown exactly what goes on. There are unknown pleasures and unknown ailments and unknown Americans.

I can't imagine the future boys

but I guess they are out there.

What is certain is that I do not want to be anyones' girlfriend. In fact, I will be anything else. I will be the funny girl that one sees films with. The temptress. The chick who wore knee high socks. The stone cold fox with the downtown flat. The dancer. The lover. The threat. The complicated one. Saturday night. The dirty secret.

I will be anything but

the girlfriend (your girlfriend)

because I was once his girlfriend

and the title is now retired.

S2011RTW: Rick Owens

Why do you read this blog? I mean, what would you like to see more of? 

If you're here for the fashion, all I have report on is my love of this:

I love that tuning fork hairpiece and I would rock this cartoon supervillan look. For more: http://www.style.com/fashionshows/review/S2011RTW-ROWENS. 

xoxo

to come each time you call

Draft Playlist for the Back to the Future Party

So local legend Andrea Dashwood has a reputation for throwing epic theme parties. I have prepared the following playlist as part of my research. Try to spot the deliberate and irresistible anachronisms. Any suggestions on songs to add? Lay it on me.

xoxo

None Shall Pass

Photo and Clothes are all Kiki, Styling is by the omni-chic Vero.

Pokémon Apokélypse Video

Stripper Jigglypuff FTW!

Offering the Cup to Odysseus

Self Portrait as Circe
My Grandmother gave me this veil/shawl today. It is gold and black lace.

It's Raining Outside Playlist

Well now everything dies baby that's a fact But maybe everything that dies someday comes back

I guess I'm a real hispter now that I'm listening to The Boss and trying not to cry.

PS. Thanks for the song recommendation, Mandy.

Kiki Goes to Japan 3

It's time for another installment of...

Artists Rendering of Kiki in Japan

which one am I you ask? The one doing the undressing obvs. 

Even Heartbreak

There is something to be learned from a rainstorm. When meeting with a sudden shower, you try not to get wet and run quickly along the road. But doing such things as passing under the eaves of houses, you still get wet. When you are resolved from the beginning, you will not be perplexed, though you still get the same soaking. This understanding extends to everything.

Duo: Analogous Text and Landscape

©Garth Lenz

Kieran O'Brien

The Hanged Man

Takashi Murakami at the Palace of Versailles

Takashi Murakami at Versailles

Salt-N-Pepa

I know this song was in my fall mix tape, but I'd like to draw your attention to it again. Press play and listen to it start to finish, I urge you.

Nothing works off a hang over like gyrating around your apartment in your hello kitty underpants with PUSH IT at full blast. Good thing I don't have any downstairs neighbors.

PS. Had some choice people over for drinks (my friends drank beer, I had brandy and champagne cocktails) and we played Pokemon Jr. Adventure Game: Pokemon Emergency! I was a young trainer with a charmander. It was the social event of the season! Photos are forthcoming.  

if you ever change your mind about leaving me behind

A mix tape is for all the things I can't express by myself. (brought to me by the fall, my new apartment giving me hives, stomping around downtown in high heels even when my feet hurt, eating take out so I don't have to wash dishes, it's really delicious chicken from foo though, heartbreak, fucking heartbreak, fucking great and terrible heartbreak, fucking, the vile nightclub across the street, insomnia, watching dirty harry at my parents house, losing weight, attending poetry readings, reading my ex-boyfriend's blog, hoping I don't hurt him with what I do and say and write but how could I not and even if I didn't, wouldn't that be worse somehow, to think that he's not feeling anything anymore?)



Don't think twice, it's alright, hoist that rag.
(I wanna be your dog, push it.)
- just one of those things, when the levee breaks... bring it on home to me.
Luck you, there is a light and it never goes out; loan me a dime.

See Also (if you really want to stay up all night gritting your teeth):
All Yr Songs - Diamond Rings
Just What I Needed - The Cars
Home - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
Just Like Honey - Jesus and Mary Chain
Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits - The Magnetic Fields
Hateful - The Clash
Miss You - The Rolling Stones
Bang, Bang - Nancy Sinatra

Dancing Models

I'm so inspired! Expect my dancing video to debut shortly. xoxo

Portrait of Kiki in which

I am an animal walking on its hind legs.

Mad Men App Review

Mad Men App on the left, Bar Oasis on the right

Obviously, I'm a big fan of the show, but for those of you who are interested in drink mixing apps for your iphone, I highly recommend Bar Oasis. Bar Oasis is cheaper and it has an engaging story mode with gorgeous animations and fun characters - so it's more than just the fun of shaking and tilting your phone and pretending to be a bartender. As you can see, the Mad Men App is just a stunted, if stylish, version of Bar Oasis.

Brit joins GaGa in my ongoing series of "things I won't get to do when I'm famous"

SORRY KIKI, BRITBRIT ALREADY DID A PURIKURA STYLE COVER DIRECTED BY MURAKAMI.

Hoist that Rag

Self Portrait (stick my fingers in the ground, heave and turn the world around)

Team Rocket

from here

So guys, I'm thinking about changing the title of my blog to

TATWAMASI

(mostly Pokemon)

Missing Vancouver

The shoes! The sweater! Even the dog is chic. Love and rockets Vero! (More Selby Style photos of the apartments are upcoming.)

So gorgeous, stylish... and makes perfect fancy cocktails. Marry me?

hardly graceless

Michelle in the Docs HEART

If I only have one look I hope it's a "good" one. (first is from Ice Cream Social, second is from Glory Days)

Hot Saturday Afternoon Spent Listening to The National

Everywhere I am is just another thing without you in it.

Steamboat Ash

Wow, that was quite a while between Pokemon-related posts.

Reblogged from The Daily What.

Nap time!

I had a very erotic dream about Roger Sterling last night, that I just remembered now, after seeing this picture. In my brain he was a US Senator and I was planning to blackmail him with our elicit affair.

Katy Perry's New Album Cover

SORRY KATY KIKI ALREADY CALLED DIBS ON WILL COTTON

(also the bit of Cotton Candy fluff covering Katy's butt totally looks like an afterthought. I wish we lived in a world where Katy's naked butt could be on her album cover)

Misery Playlist

Uh-oh.

It started with Nancy Sinatra's version of "Bang Bang"

and then it was "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me" by Dusty Springfield

pretty soon it will be Skeeter Davis' "End of the World" ... this is shaping up to be a day of 60s heartbreak music.

Anything I should add to this playlist as long as I'm wallowing in lonleyness and misery?

Bang Bang

1. Ideas for word make up:
"Bang Bang"
and
"Voodoo"

2. "Bang Bang", sung by italian singer Mina (the song was originally sung by Cher - it's written by Sonny - and of course, the Nancy Sinatra cover of it is also very famous - it's in Kill Bill for example. I just love the hair and make up in this video:

Jean Paul Gaultier F/W 10.11 ad

Wedge Heels!
Headscarves!
Over-the-Knee Socks!
Crystal Renn!

I can safely say that this is all things that are good.

from tfs

make-up txt msgs

I loved these photos of Gaga Fans in Japan. I definitely want to rock these make up text messages on one my ladies nights out in Vancouver. First, we need to decide what kindof badass messages we want on our faces and then we need to figure out how to afix them.... would you try this look?

let me know if anyone finds a youtube tutorial or something!
xoxo